What do you think of these lyrics I wrote (a bit bloody, gorey, gross, twisted, dark but still kickass)?

Note:





I just barely got them copywrighted.





They are still kind of sloppy I havent gone through it and organized them quite yet. And it didn't take all that long to write either. But I think they rock so tell me what you think.





(Not yet titled)


I’m being eaten alive


But somehow survive


Every maggot inside of my heart


Chews and swallows and tears me apart


Blood still flows


And my heart beats to small black crows


Pecking at my skin


Gashes on every intestin


Opening wounds bleeding out ants


Crawling, looking for something


They think that their life is so sad


They are making me look bad


They do it cause it’s their stupid fad





Chorus


It’s too late to escape


In my dreams I will be raped


Trying to keep it together


Will only force me to surrender


I’m surprised there’s air in my lungs


And in my brain there’s still songs


And there’s love for me after all this wrong

What do you think of these lyrics I wrote (a bit bloody, gorey, gross, twisted, dark but still kickass)?
I like them.......and before I go any further......to the 'tard who ridiculed you AND the Misfits........what planet are u from? Do u not realize that the Misfits paved the way for all the bands that are here now? Do u not realize how HUGELY popular they are?!?!? I doubt your answer will last thru me posting my answer with all ur f bombs u dropped.....one a the trolls will be dropping a dime ( sux cause i want people to see me blastin ur response) Now back to ur question chick, REALLY cool song. Very deep, very morbid and VERY you if thats the way you feel. Thats what music is....expressing YOURSELF.....NOT someone else. If it touches someone or affects someone else then so much the better. But the focal point of music, poetry, etc etc etc is expressing YOURSELF........And it appears that you have done that. Lotsa bands that sing/write this type of music are loved and hated. You can't please everyone, so concentrate on pleasing yourself and expressing yourself thru words. Bands such as the Misfits, Rancid, The Sex Pistols, X Ray Spex and on and on and on paved the way for all these so called punk/goth bands of today. Marilyn Manson would never have been heard of if not for the likes of The Misfits.
Reply:Kinda scary.....
Reply:Allow me to answer this, as an amateur songwriter myself, of such notable songs as "******' Genocide" and "Destroy the Playground:" it sucks. What the hell? Are you trying to be Goth? The biggest Gothiest anthem ever went, "Bela Lugosi's dead/the bats have left the belltower/Bela Lugosi's dead." Gore and stuff doesn't mean you're a good songwriter. I mean, hey, the Misfits, kings of lousy, horror-influence songwriting, never went beyond "I want your skulls."





Please, stop trying to be cleverly shocking and write real music. Express yourself however the **** you want, just DON'T be cliched. And cliched is exactly what this song is; it has "silly middle-school Goth poetry written all over."
Reply:I like it.





I'm not sure why, but I picture it as an Evanescence or Flyleaf type song.





The lyrics don't exactly scream originality I'll admit, but taking the beaten path is all right when you are first starting out as a musician/writer.
Reply:They're better than anything I can write, but the subject matter is pathetic. Try listening to Bob Dylan...or John Lennon...or Neil Young...or Bruce Springsteen. Then try again.
Reply:hey, i like it.





and don't listen to every one else who says you're trying to hard to be goth or whatever, if that's how you feel, then write it. that's what i do, and sometimes it does come out a bit gorey and gross. but it just comes with the territory. you have to pioneer those noew routes, especially as a young song-writer.


but anyway, i like it a lot. like i think it's really good. especially the chorus, loved the chorus.





i'm seriously surprised, this is really good.
Reply:i like it





did it take a long time to write or no?
Reply:i like it it is good go with the title"truly pianed" if u wanna go with that or pick someone elses if u like,


it is a really good song and cant wait to hear the other parts.