Okay, i perfected these lyrics. Opinions?

Two hours listening to the Velvet Underground resulted in this little diddy:








No, no, baby, I know what's right


You were talking in your sleep last night


Said that it was a special kind of place,


And that everything's alright.


It's alright.





Marilyn


Your hair's the same color as your skin


Gorgeous Marilyn


Missy Marilyn, you know that's not where I am.





Watching people under me


Watching people under me


First floor people walking under me


I'll spit on their heads.





What do you want, Marilyn?


What do you want to be?


a supermodel for your glossy magazines?


Or do you want to spit on people's heads,


With me?


With me?





Something's got it's hold on me


And I don't know what


Something's got it's hold on me


And I don't know what


Get you to hold on to me


And I don’t know what


I don’t know what.





No, no, baby, I know what's right


You were talking in your sleep last night


Said that it was a special kind of place,


And that everything's alright.


It's alright.

Okay, i perfected these lyrics. Opinions?
never post stuff on the internet without proof of ownership, if someone likes this, its good as stolen
Reply:I'm glad you have taken an interest in poetry . I like it !


It needs a Lil' polish!


Something that's helped me ...is a little voice activated


tape recorder.


You have a way of expression...that is all yours!


Sometimes we are our own best critic!


You pour out your heart in your poetry....


It's like painting a picture, only with words!