Do these lyrics sound good?

I call it Burgeon ( it means to blossom) im sure it needs work a bit more poetic.. needs to sound more like a song





ith heavy lids I hold the rose,


it's petals crumbling at my fingertips.


What could I be? If everything I touched would not ruin?


Swaying to heart ache the petals tells me..


"You can never make anyone happy"


Like leaves beneath my feet It crushes my insides


Rattling in my head, do I believe the thoughts shaking me?


What will become of these days repeating history?





Roses of tomorrow


will they resemble today?


Embracing your shattered body and watching it decay


Taking one step forward


I want to change what has been made


I'll reach your spirit before it too begins to fade





My eyes evolving bitterness


A broken clock that cannot tell time.


Do I listen to your truth? Or believe the feelings corrupting me?


Gazing through the mirror glass he whispers


" You are no better than I am"


Like walls closed in on me It crushes my insides


Pounding in my heart, Do I trust the past that chases me?


What will become of these days repeating tragedies?





He will not touch, no not ever again


My shadow will not break fragile hands





Roses of tomorrow


Will they change from today?


Embracing your gentle smile and watching it replay


Taking two steps forward


I want to change the tears he paid


I'll reach your heart before it too begins to jade





My heart holding hatred


Grasping what is left of happiness


Who is this part of me? Will I ever understand?


Forcing a gentle smile that makes my stomach sick


" You cannot be loved like me"


Electric hair itching my skin, It crushes my insides


What does he want? To cause so much pain?


What will become of these days repeating calvary?





What will I become?

Do these lyrics sound good?
That is truly awesome, the chorus is brilliant. I love it!
Reply:beautiful poem
Reply:It's pretty good as a poem, but I think it needs modified lyrics as a song.
Reply:it sound really good
Reply:Maybe to good music it would work, but I got bored less than a third of the way through.
Reply:Your lyrics are really good, but it needs to rhyme. Its really good, I really like it. But you need some rhyming lyrics if you want it as a song. Or if its just a poem, its really good.